I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
