theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize