So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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