I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
