Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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