i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
