I'm going to jail i love you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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