I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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