i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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