Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
