she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
