she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
