What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
