I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Buhtt sex?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize