Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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