Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
