I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
