he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
