I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
