she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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