i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
