New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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