Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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