I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
