never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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