I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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