Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
