bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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