I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
