nut hugger
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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