1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
