Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
