just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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