im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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