NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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