So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
