i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
