i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize