it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
