he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
