From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
