In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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