So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize