I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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