I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
