I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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