How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When are your genitals available?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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