he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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