I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize