You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i think i just lost a toe
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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