I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
