we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
