Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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