i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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