Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
