C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
