I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
