actually, I'm a sock model
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
