I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
