I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
