my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
