Tell her she can't have a vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
