I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
