You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
