I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
