That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
